The problems of problem-solvers

How we confuse actions with solutions.

Trigger, Action, Reaction. Problem, solution, moving on to the next one. We live in a time of quick feedback loops. At work, the speed of that loop increases every day - faster business results, faster project delivery, and more rapid career progression - we are always encouraged to be problem-solvers. 

A sign of how pervasive that is, problem-solver became a cliché. Designers, Engineers, and Consultants added to their job titles "Problem-Solver" and expanded to our personal life.

As problem-solvers, we look for problems to solve. Once I had my toolbox, I blindly applied it to any problem - from finding customer needs to service-design my journey to install a new kitchen to workshopping my relationships.

As you might rightly assume, that did not go well.

Once you solve a problem, there's a sense of satisfaction that comes with it. For our brain it is like winning something; there's a release of dopamine that makes us happy and fulfilled. We are wired to solve problems, make sense of things, and have rational explanations - which can be handy in such a chaotic world. The ego gets a boost, and we know how warm and fuzzy that feels.

But this trains the problem-solving "muscle" in the mind - so we tend to look for problems and continuously solve them - it keeps giving us the kick. It's almost like an addiction. With it, our focus and sight become narrower, and we only see the problem right before our noses. And that's where other problems start.

We don't see where the problem fits. We don't question if it's a problem or the right one; we want to solve it. We are often creating more problems with our knee-jerk reaction to solving them.

During my burnout, my only goal was to solve my problem: my job. Changing jobs and going to a saner organization. I HAD to solve that one. But I crashed before I managed to do so, it was already too late (that's a story for another time). During the recovery process, I understood that the problem I had to solve was my relationship with my job and how work fits into my existence. That became the "problem" to "solve," but I had external help to make me see beyond the tip of my nose.

I see this with other people too. They have a problem that needs to be solved, often a binary question. Like me, they go to great lengths to find solutions and rationalize them without success. We frustrate ourselves to death and question how we can not find the necessary answers. "I'm a problem-solver; I should problem-solve my way out of this."

We confuse problem-solving with taking action and being rational. But sometimes, that's the last thing that will help us. Sometimes we can't solve our way out just by taking action.

Detaching yourself temporarily from a problem, contemplating it, and listening to it, is also part of the path to the solution. By doing so, we gain distance, we start to see beyond the tip of our noses. Confusing action with problem-solving can trap us into single-minded ways of navigating life's challenges.

Looking beyond the problem, understanding where it sits, what's involved, and how big or small it is, helps us identify if there's a problem to be solved in the first place. If there's one, we have a bigger thinking space to think through how we will solve it.

Detaching and contemplating does not equal dwelling on the problem, ignoring it or overthinking it - that will only make it more challenging.

The problem-solver in me cringes while I write this, and maybe yours too. "Detaching? Contemplating? What is this guy saying?! We need action!".

We indeed need action, but a conscious one. It's easier to take action when we detach ourselves from the narratives, emotions, attachments, and external pressures and genuinely understand the action to take. Sometimes, the final action is to decide not to take any action. And that's OK.

I know it sounds scary and unnatural to do so. It is like using a muscle we don't know we have, and training hurts. But once you use it enough, it will be part of your problem-solving nature.

The true art of problem-solving is balancing detaching/contemplating and decision/action. 

How each of us trains that muscle is different. Mindfulness meditation, coaching, and reading comics helped me train that muscle. 

Meditation made me aware of my feelings and thoughts; coaching allowed me to reflect and create space; reading comics and going to bookshops was my go-to counter-trigger to stop overthinking and remove myself from the problem.

Today, as a "problem-solver in recovery," I'm more equipped to stop, breathe, contemplate, give time, and find the best following action. Not surprisingly, I have fewer problems to solve.