Are you looking for change or transformation?

A personal story of how I learned the difference.

May 17, 2023

One of the most important differences between a change and a transition is that changes are driven to reach a goal, but transitions start with letting go of what no longer fits or is adequate to the life stage you are in. - Willian Bridges.

Today I want to share my story. I want to share the learnings of my journey - hopefully, they are helpful for you to understand better the differences between change, transitions, and transformations.

I see those things like this:

Change can trigger a transition.
A transition can trigger a transformation.
A transformation can create change.

On the other side:

Change is external and goal driven.
A transition is the inner letting go of something old towards something new.
A transformation is the result of the transition.

This is the story of my transformation.

At some point in my work life, a change(s) triggered a new transition. It's January 2021, and I hate my job. Not only that but the industry at large, my profession, and the meaning of my work.

The previous year had been hard on me and tested my love for what I was doing. In retrospect, many external changes were happening that triggered an inner transition that I was unaware of - but inside me, something was bubbling, and I didn't understand what.

By February 2021, I was written off with a nervous breakdown, burnout, and depression. Yay! What a combo. Trombo maybe?

I was utterly lost. I hated being a Designer, the tech industry, and all about both. I could not touch a laptop for 8 months without having a panic attack. I was lost.

A change can trigger a transition.

Welcome to the end, my friend.

The end of what? The end of my illusion, passion, interest, and meaning of being a Designer and working in tech. The hardships of that year made me realize I don't want this anymore - to a molecular level.

The problem with endings is that it is not an immediate start of something new, or at least on the surface. Every ending is a little death, and if you have mourned for someone you love, you know the emptiness it comes with it.

I was lost. I felt it come to the end of my life as a Designer and a tech worker. And now what? Where to go? What do I do? Where the fuck do I start unpacking all this mess?

A transition starts with an ending, but a transition only happens if you are able to let go of parts of yourself, beliefs and narratives you hold, lenses you see the world through, and attitudes and behaviors that don't serve you anymore. A transition is the inner work.

Most of us avoid it altogether and seek new (external) changes to bypass this phase and create a "safe" new beginning.

My initial escape route was: "I need to find a better job that would do it! I was just unlucky, and only if I find a better job, I'll be cool."

I tried to find one but couldn't handle it. Always come back to the same place. I had to confront all this.

Confronting, fighting, shedding, burning all that was a tough and lonely process. Nobody can do it for you. I had to dismantle old habits, beliefs, and ways of being that made me feel who I thought I was. With that came a disidentification with my reality, familiar surroundings, and who I was as a professional.

That frightened me for not knowing my place in the world anymore, the value I bring, if I bring any. That limbo was nerve-wracking. That's really when a part of me died.

This all amounted to a hopeless disorientation, to not knowing where to go or even where I was.

A transition can trigger a transformation.

Welcome to the neutral zone! Yay, no man's land.

This was by far the hardest period. There you are, and nothing of the past makes sense; you shed your old self, but there's no new self in sight; you used to have a destination, but now you look at a vast empty desert.

Sure, life exists in the desert, but it is very subtle, and if you are not used to deserts, it just seems dead. You don't want to be there; it is too lonely, unknown, and ridiculously vast. You only have one option: surrender to the emptiness. Remember, it's a little death; it will take time to be reborn.

I asked myself, "What do I want?". Now that I can afford to ask that question, I had no answer. I had to accept that after disintegrating my identity, something new had to be born, which took time.

During this phase of my transition felt like I was not transforming at all, but that emptiness allowed me to explore that desert, and suddenly, I started to see things that I didn't see before (and no, it was not a mirage). I reconnected with parts of myself I had forgotten about it, my love for cooking, my passion for graphic novels and immature comics, and my amateur love for skateboarding.

Seems small, but those things were gateways to playful parts of myself that helped me accept that I needed this desert. That playfulness allowed me to process emotions, to figure out what makes me happy and what energizes me. During this process, I had therapy support too.

I spent a lot of time alone; the emptiness of leaving so much behind was finally being replaced by a vast space to be filled with new things. With that in sight, I set to explore what could be what I really wanted.

I realized a change or an evolution was not enough. I had to radically think of a new path for me. I start to see the end of the neutral zone and new beginnings at a distance. The desert is comfortable now. I know my way around it. There's a lot more green and life, and something is appearing on the horizon.

After some experimentation and research, coaching was my potential next step. I decided that's where I was going.

A transformation can create change.

Welcome to the beginning.

This decision set in motion a lot of changes. I reduced to 4 days a week, stepped down from my people manager role, and created space to create a new reality for myself.

Although my burnout was attached to where I was working and my role, I also realized that moving to another company would not change anything and distract me from my path. Let's be honest; I'm also responsible for my burnout - not putting boundaries, lack of self-confidence, overworking, etc. I learned I also had to transform those behaviors, returning to where I was in the best training ground I could get.

I was finally out of the desert, into a jungle. Parts of it I knew, and parts of it were a total mystery to me.

Returning to my old job made me realize how much I had transformed and how far ahead I was with my thinking about a new beginning. That gave me confidence that I was doing the right thing.

At work, I was being tested if I actually had transformed; outside of it, I found new energy and meaning in my life. The coaching journey has been one of the most meaningful experiences as a person and professional.

Fast forward to May 2023, and here I am writing about my transformation as a coach. I enable people to make conscious career choices for a better life by partnering up with them in their journey, some times is about change and transitions from here to here, but it often comes with an inner transformation too.

There's a difference between change, transitions, and transformations. In our careers, we perform many external changes when we might be seeking transformations within ourselves. Those two intersect at some points in our careers and lives, plunging us into a transition period where we can get to know ourselves better, evolve and create a better life.

As for me, I'm grateful for the path those initial changes put on. Many visible things changed in my life that might stay or change, but what I invisibly changed in me I will forever bring with me. A new self, a more profound knowledge, and the feeling that transitions are inevitable in life, and if we choose to do so, they are brilliant ways towards our transformation.

I want to say a special thank you to the people there supporting me on my journey. My amazing girlfriend relentlessly loved and supported me in all kinds of moments—my family, who was always there with unconditional love and support. My friends, who put up with me, my tantrums and my constant changes, but never stopped loving.

Burning Thoughts

Discussion about this post